Belief...

Time to start getting real I think. Writing about training is the only thing that may maintain my waning sanity!!!

I'll cut to the chase...this rest month is beginning to kill me. Don't get me wrong, I was desperate to have it and couldn't wait to have the pressure of training twice a day removed from my day. No 5am alarm calls, no hard sessions physically or mentally and all of that time to do the neccessary side-lines jobs around the house. The first week was great and to be honest we haven't actually had oodles of time to ourselves, in fact if anything we've been ridiculously busy and time seems to have just been swallowed but it's been used in a completely different way. However, now I'm desperate to be training again.

I'm relieved to feel like this. I was worried that I wouldn't be looking forward to getting back into hard, long and tiring days of endless training, especially after feeling so desperate for it all to stop for a while. And here I am biting at the bit already. I'd much rather feel like this though than be dreading the slog that lies ahead. Tom and I are starting to mentally prepare for the task that lies ahead. Getting our heads around not only the training but the serious task of goal setting for Lanzarote in the hope to be following our talented mates down the Queen K and tasting the Hawaiian Island for ourselves. This is what is now keeping me going because I feel out of condition and un-athletic in shape and size and if I'm honest a little bit out of sorts. My training is so very much part of what makes me and of who I am that I feel like I'm a little lost when I'm not training for such a long period of time. I recognise that it will make me a better, fitter, stronger athlete and I'm doing it...but now... I hate it. I feel a bit like a fish out of water floundering on the sand. I've still got two weeks to go and it's becoming purgery but I know that feeling like this now will make the training so much sweeter when I can finally get my teeth into it.

The thing that makes me laugh is that I'm still doing an hour of exercise every day, a light run, a light swim, an easy turbo and bit of strength work. But I really honestly don't feel like I'm exercising in the slightest. I'm relaxed about the sessions too. If it means having to get up at 5am to do it then I'll miss it and I'm not that bothered. The twisted side of me quite likes the feeling of letting my condition go because I'll enjoy watching my fitness level progress once I get back in the water, in the saddle and on the road. The same goes for my pie eating skills. Come November the 1st, they too will go out of the window and the lean, lighter version of me shall return once more. These things I can't wait for. It's the most bizarre thing because it's like a light switch that snaps on. I have no desire to lie in, no concept of missing a training session and no desire to fill my face with pie!!! If you asked me to do it now I couldn't (even though I'm desperate for Nov 1st to come around.). The date is set. November is the start of Lanzarote training, not a single day earlier. A rest month is a rest month. I have to go through this process to get to November with the passion, the want and the BELIEF that I can swim, bike and run that course to a place in Hawaii.

Walking through the quiet, beautiful still streets of Geneva earlier this afternoon with Tom and his pa (we're here to celebrate his pa's birthday) our conversation was turned to the importance of belief. Not just in Ironman but in everything. What's the point of anything in fact if you don't believe? So, being new to this positive existence that I've been embracing of late I can see that it's in me, all I have to do is believe, train hard and do my best on the day. If I don't believe I can do it when I'm training then what's the bloody point in trying to do it on the day? And if I don't do it on the day, I've still given my all and believed in myself and that can't change.

Next weekend we're spending with our mate Jevon and his family and that should suitably finish off our last weekend of real freedom. We can talk training and Ironman to our hearts content but all while lounging around drinking coffee. I can almost see the start line which comes the Saturday after that, I actually feel itchy and if I thought I could claw that date a bit nearer I would... but I can't so I have to endure this feeling and allow it to fuel the desire when the Winter rides are cold, long, wet and hard and the runs are a slog and the swims are endless.

Believe, believe, believe...

"You can have anything you want if you give up the belief that you can't have it."

Dr Robert Anthony.

Two things I want you to know. One... I hate this month of rest!! Two... I believe.

H. x