Misplaced mojo...?

I can't tell you what a mixed bag this whole week has been. I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster hitting merry highs and stomach churning lows... maybe it's time to get the prozac out?! The culmination of said week was in todays ride. I had planned to ride 100 miles and run 2 miles off it. Not a problem, did the same session a couple of weeks ago, yes a hard session but a good one...until today. Granted I've had a hard week so I wasn't expecting much physically however it appears that I hadn't counted for mental fatigue and how to counter-act it. So I gave in to it. From the second I left the house I wanted to turn round and get back into my jim-jams, crawl under the duvet and keep warm. Having these kind of thoughts two minutes away from the house is fatal and although my legs actually felt fine my mind wouldn't let me use them properly so today was hideous and I lasted 80 miles and then ran two miles off it. I got rained on, hailed on, snowed on, the wind was strong and I broke. A bad day in the office and typically of my personality I've spent all afternoon beating myself up about it for being weak. To be honest I think I'm stressing a bit about the whole Ironman thing and putting un-neccessary pressure on myself. I've been a bit miserable this week and I don't like that either. I think I'm worried I'm not going to perform as well as I did last year and it's all building up and it's turning me into a quiet, miserable stress head. So, if anyone out there has seen my mojo and knows how I can find it again I would be most appreciative if you would point me in the right direction.

This week hasn't been all bad at all but like I say it has been a very mixed bag. I've done some great photography shoots this week and loved the results. I had a good treadmill session on Tuesday and a great swim session on Thursday and yesterday's session was great too. But how do you stop worrying, how do you stop putting pressure on yourself, how do you stop comparing yourself to people who are better than you???? If I could do all of the above I'm sure I would feel better about myself. Maybe it's unrealistic to expect great things of yourself without a little bit of the above I don't know, but how do I find out?

The road to Kona was never meant to be easy but I didn't expect this. An easier week this week a bit of mental and physical down time and a bit of reflection might help. First race of the year on Saturday (The Ballbuster Duathlon- an 8 mile run/24mile ride/8mile run) time to recharge the batteries and see what I've got.

So this week has been odd. My brother made the highs in the week by turning himself into my Fairy Godmother and telling Cinders she shall have the wedding dress that she so desires. It's so much more than it being about cost, it's the gesture and the fact that he will be giving me away on the big day, and giving me away in a dress he really wants me to have that means so much to me. It's a gesture I'll never forget and will hold close to my heart for years and years to come so thank you Jonny, you're the best.

This week coming then I'm searching for that missing mojo. If I haven't found it by the end of next week I'm going to give up training and take up knitting (do you think people get stressed about how many stitches they've dropped and that Edna's moss stitch was much neater than theirs or that in fact Edna knitted for eight hours last week and Sheila only knitted for four!???) I guess there's a competative streak in most people, I just need to harness mine and look a little more closely at the positives instead of dwelling on the negatives... all answers welcome on a postcard!!!

Don't let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of it's worries. Astrid Alauda

H. x