Sunday, 9 March 2008

Misplaced mojo...?

I can't tell you what a mixed bag this whole week has been. I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster hitting merry highs and stomach churning lows... maybe it's time to get the prozac out?! The culmination of said week was in todays ride. I had planned to ride 100 miles and run 2 miles off it. Not a problem, did the same session a couple of weeks ago, yes a hard session but a good one...until today. Granted I've had a hard week so I wasn't expecting much physically however it appears that I hadn't counted for mental fatigue and how to counter-act it. So I gave in to it. From the second I left the house I wanted to turn round and get back into my jim-jams, crawl under the duvet and keep warm. Having these kind of thoughts two minutes away from the house is fatal and although my legs actually felt fine my mind wouldn't let me use them properly so today was hideous and I lasted 80 miles and then ran two miles off it. I got rained on, hailed on, snowed on, the wind was strong and I broke. A bad day in the office and typically of my personality I've spent all afternoon beating myself up about it for being weak. To be honest I think I'm stressing a bit about the whole Ironman thing and putting un-neccessary pressure on myself. I've been a bit miserable this week and I don't like that either. I think I'm worried I'm not going to perform as well as I did last year and it's all building up and it's turning me into a quiet, miserable stress head. So, if anyone out there has seen my mojo and knows how I can find it again I would be most appreciative if you would point me in the right direction.

This week hasn't been all bad at all but like I say it has been a very mixed bag. I've done some great photography shoots this week and loved the results. I had a good treadmill session on Tuesday and a great swim session on Thursday and yesterday's session was great too. But how do you stop worrying, how do you stop putting pressure on yourself, how do you stop comparing yourself to people who are better than you???? If I could do all of the above I'm sure I would feel better about myself. Maybe it's unrealistic to expect great things of yourself without a little bit of the above I don't know, but how do I find out?

The road to Kona was never meant to be easy but I didn't expect this. An easier week this week a bit of mental and physical down time and a bit of reflection might help. First race of the year on Saturday (The Ballbuster Duathlon- an 8 mile run/24mile ride/8mile run) time to recharge the batteries and see what I've got.

So this week has been odd. My brother made the highs in the week by turning himself into my Fairy Godmother and telling Cinders she shall have the wedding dress that she so desires. It's so much more than it being about cost, it's the gesture and the fact that he will be giving me away on the big day, and giving me away in a dress he really wants me to have that means so much to me. It's a gesture I'll never forget and will hold close to my heart for years and years to come so thank you Jonny, you're the best.

This week coming then I'm searching for that missing mojo. If I haven't found it by the end of next week I'm going to give up training and take up knitting (do you think people get stressed about how many stitches they've dropped and that Edna's moss stitch was much neater than theirs or that in fact Edna knitted for eight hours last week and Sheila only knitted for four!???) I guess there's a competative streak in most people, I just need to harness mine and look a little more closely at the positives instead of dwelling on the negatives... all answers welcome on a postcard!!!

Don't let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of it's worries.
Astrid Alauda

H. x


Anonymous said...

Charlie want his Auntie Helen to be a happy bunny again!!

Debra said...

Hey H - hang on in there, we all have bad weeks but you are so much stronger than most of your mates put together and don't forget that!!

Good luck for the Ballbuster, may the mental strength and force return and be with you!

H said...

I guess it's just one of those things and you can't have the good without the bad, but hey I'll live, thanks for the messages. x

P.s Charlie makes Auntie Helen VERY VERY happy and Debra hope everything is ticking along nicely ;)

Jevon said...

Okay - if it's any consolation it happens to everyone. Happened to me a couple of weeks ago when I completely 'lost it'.
The intensity you've been training at is almost intolerable. Your mind is just as important to you in an Ironman as your body. You nursed your achilles problem through a debilitating injury and emerged the other side. Don't just try to tough it out. You wouldn't have done this with your physical injury. Listen to your mind as you would listen to your body in an injury situation. Let it recover by allowing it some rest (even if that's just easing up rather than completely stopping). Pamper it a little. Indulge it. Wallow in your work from time to time. Allow yourself to dream of how you're going to build your career and business as well as non stop dreams of Kona. Take your camera out on a short, 40 mile ride into the dales and get some beautiful landscapes... let training be part of YOU once again, rather than you being a slave to your training... re-connect with it
I know it won't take long and you'll be back stronger for it. On a different scale to you - I was, took me a week, maybe two and I'm fired up again and enjoying myself.

H said...

Thanks Jevon, I think not becoming a slave to the training is right, it's a bit like loosing control isn't it and right now I feel like I'm letting everything control me instead of me controlling it... oh it's hard to get the balance right! Hope you're fit and well though. I'm very excited about our week in Austria and it'll be really great to catch up with you. Thanks for the post it has helped. H. x

fiona said...

Hi H, you're doing a great job with your training. We all get low points they make make the high points even greater. If you need more rest then take it you won't lose much fitness. Rest and recovery is often under estimated by athletes. As someone else has mentioned, go and treat yourself to some well earned pampering. If you're finding things hard mentally try a good mountain bike ride somewhere beautiful Yorks Dales or elsewhere. These sorts of rides put a big smile on your face and they make you feel good to be alive.

H said...

Thanks Fiona, you're right & rest for the mind I've realised is actually just as important as for the body. If I wasn't a big girls blouse I would do the mountain bike thing but hey one step at a time, I'm just conquering the road bike ;)
Hope all is good with you.