An early bath...

Those of you who check out my Twitter feed from time to time will already know that my feet are officially 'up'. This time last year I had a great race at The Vitruvian (national middle distance champs) finishing in 4:12:31 for 13th overall and 5th 30-34. Ever since crossing that finish line I'd set my 2009 goal for the same event as sub-4:10 and a top ten finish, unfortunately however, common sense has prevailed and I'll be standing on the touchline this coming Saturday. I love supporting at events, especially when H is racing, so I'm still really really looking forward to being a part of one of the best races in the UK... but... if I'm honest I am pretty gutted that I've not lasted till the end of the season.

Following Lanzarote in May I felt like I did a really good job of holding on to my Ironman fitness without over-cooking things and seven weeks later followed up my best ever Ironman performance with my best ever Ironman performance (despite a wobbly race week), going 9:28 in Switzerland. Looking back I was pretty much at the end of my mental strength a week or so before race number two and if I'm being really honest my season ended in Zurich.

When talking about religion the other day someone said to me that you either believe or you don't and that's not something you can choose (I don't). The same can be said of our motivation to train and race... you either want it or don't, but it's not something you can control (at the moment... I don't). I think it was Eddy Merckx who commented that it was the person who wanted it the most and was willing to take the most pain who would win the Tour (apologies if I just made that up).

At the moment I really want to want to train... but I don't. I really want to want to race... but I don't. How do I know this? Well the only way to really find the answer to questions like these is to ask them... set your alarm for 5am and see what happens? Push the first five miles of a ten mile time trial as hard as you can and see what happens for the second five? Over the last few weeks I've repeatedly put myself in these situations and almost every time I just haven't wanted it badly enough... I've ignored my alarm and disappeared under the covers or backed it off just when I needed to turn it up.

By the time I got to last weekend's Team Relay event I was mentally pretty much empty, H was really worried about me when she heard I'd missed my second transition of the day as it was so out of character. Unfortunately it seems my sub-conscious had exposed my lack of 'want' by keeping my mind focused on veggie burgers and gossip over swim, bike and run. Moving into the afternoon I ended up running a second 5k to help out a good friend who's team mate was injured. Normally I'd pretend I didn't want to do it but deep down would have been glad for the opportunity to once again test myself... this time I really didn't want to do it and at that point I knew it was time to stop. The second I'd made my decision it was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders as the pressure to train and race no longer fought against my desire not to... I'd go as far as describe the feeling as 'liberating' in fact.

Note: one of the best pieces of advice there is - if you're in a hole, stop digging.

I am hoping that four weeks of pretty much zero training (one week down and only one very easy 60 minute run in the bank) will get me back in a position where I can start building toward a good winter of training and a solid effort into Ironman Lanzarote 2010. I think that by stopping now I've probably avoided climbing into a hole deep enough to keep me submerged for a good while. The Ironman world is littered with examples of athletes pushing themselves so far over the edge that it takes years to recover, and of particular importance is the fact that you can still be performing to a high level even after you've done serious damage. Elite athlete Clas Bjorling wrote an excellent piece on this (part one and part two) and with his words along with the recent case of multiple Vitruvian champ John Hotchkiss at the front of my thoughts there is clearly only one sensible way forward... rest, sleep, eat.

I've not picked up illness or injury recently, nor in the last few years in fact, and have been performing reasonably well in swim and bike, but I have experienced several days (over the last couple of weeks) of the most severe lethargy that I've ever felt and can't remember wanting to exercise less than I do right now. Hopefully I've not done too much damage and by the time we're sat in front of the tinterweb cheering our mates round the Hawaii Ironman (second weekend in October) I'll once again feel like the athlete I desire to be.

Good luck to all those racing in Rutland on Saturday, I'll be there cheering you on with as much passion as I would have like to have raced with.

See you next week for a season review,

T

p.s. Today's photo is me sitting on the grass doing nothing much, which is where you are most likely to find me over the next three weeks ;)